Disney Sea

I have thought and thought about how to approach this without sounding like a terrible Mother...but there really is just no way to do it.  So here it goes...
I HATED DISNEY SEA!
There.  I said it.  I meant it.  And that is just the way that it is.

Now don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVED seeing the wonder in my sons eyes when he met Goofy, Dale (of Chip-n-Dale fame), and some of the other Disney characters.  And I also was delighted in the fact that he REALLY wants to ride roller coasters (the adult coasters - not the little kiddie stuff!), but I will tell you with all honesty...the day was TERRIBLE for me!  Never-ending!

I know, I know, it is "all about the kids" ~ well yes, it is.  But how can the kids be happy when the Mommy isn't happy?  Very easily...as I found out!

So the story goes ~
 My husband has ALWAYS loved the theme parks.  When we got married I was informed that he and my two step-sons had traipsed  around the country going to ALL the big theme parks.  Well, it never really donned on me that one day - that would be part of my world.
My Mother-in-law was in Japan visiting, along with my niece and nephew.  So we decided to go to Disney Sea for the kids.  I mean, how many kids can say they went to Disneyland in TOKYO - of all places??!! Right?

So we decided on the Friday BEFORE the big holiday week here.  Two of the other couples from the USA had decided that they were going to take their kids too.  So off we go...

Friday morning.  Everybody up at 7am to get ready, eat, get toys, bags, the right shoes, sunscreen, cameras, money, maps, bus/train passes, sunglasses and every other oddity that, at the time, seemed a good idea to lug to Disneyland.
We meet at the neighbors house at 8:30am.  7 adults, 6 kids.  We all take the bus to the train station.  At Yokohama Station (this is a pretty big train station) we all follow D through a maze of ups and downs, escalators and elevators to get to the "Disney" bus stop.  They have a bus that leaves every 30 minutes - all day long- and only goes back and forth to Disney!  That part - was great!  The bus looked like a Greyhound Bus - but without the caked on grime and stinky smell.
So now - a 90 minute bus ride! Everyone was well behaved and some even took naps.  Mind you - all the kids are between 2 and 4 years old...with exception of one, eleven-year-old.  So far so good.

We are dropped off at the entrance to Disney Sea.  By now it is probably 85 degrees and its 11am.
~~~For the record, we had all done a little asking around and we were told that Disney Sea would be better than Disneyland proper.  Because: "Disney Sea has water and everything is oriented to water, so it'll be MUCH cooler than regular Disneyland."  Liars.  All of you, liars! ~~~~

We enter this very large slab of concrete to find all of the Disney characters awaiting our arrival.  First thing I thought was, my word - I KNOW that person in the suit is hating his life right now in this dreadful heat, with all these kids pawing at him.
But they were very cute and the kids were mesmerized.  Photos taken, kids happy.
(at this point we separate from the other two families.  I think since my husband's family are all pros at this amusement park thing - we were just faster at getting done.  - ie., Here meet Goofy, stand still, snap.  Next kid. Here meet Dale, stand still, smile, snap.  Look there's Mickey, he has too many friends right now - wave, blow him a kiss, we'll see him later. Let's go., etc, etc.)
Off again.
First we come to the lake.  I think, wow, actually some water.  But its gated and cordoned off so there is no chance of getting anywhere near anything that is wet.
People are starting to gather around the lake - my assumption, that a water show was starting soon.  So we decide to go towards the back of the park since everyone seemed to congregate at the entrance to figure out what they were doing and what direction to go...basically what we were doing!

The pirate ship was our first stop.
It was big, hot, with wheels and ropes. VERY uneventful.  Next, we go into The Castle. Once again, big, hot, but with LOTS of stairs. Even though the inside was cool-er, what it lacked in hot temperature - it made up for with the stairs.  Great.

We needed to ride something quick for the kids.  We rode something that resembled a bug and that went up and down and in a circle.  10 minute wait - but the breeze during the ride, made it ok. By this point it had to be 95 degrees.
Off to find drinks and another ride. We are all covered in sweat by now and we haven't even started. Next, the kiddie roller coaster, which had a 20 minute wait.  Meanwhile my son has decided to tell me that he doesn't feel good.  Lovely.
After the coaster, we decided it was time to find food and somewhere to sit.
I never thought I'd say it but Mermaid Lagoon was my savior!...
an all indoor amusement area for kids!  WHY HASN'T SOMEONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE? An "indoor" theme park?  Fantastic!

So we stand in line, order food, find a table - and enjoy the lovely A/C.
BTW - the menu gave the choice of a fish sandwich, fries, popcorn shrimp or sausage pizza (with corn). - Most all pizza here in Japan has some form of 'corn' on it. Weird.

Everyone's almost finished and my husband looks at me, with that "I'm going to say something you're not going to like" look. He has decided this is the time that he and his nephew go ride the 'big roller coasters'. I know it was a ploy just to get away for a bit.
So me and my mother-in-law and remaining kids ride the spinning tea-cups (20 minute wait) and then go get in line for the jelly fish ride.  20 minutes later - we are sitting in this psychedelic thing resembling a jellyfish that goes up and down SLOWLY, and that's it.  THAT'S IT. That's all it does. Even my 3 year old was unimpressed!
My husband shows back up, and a few souvenirs later - we are back out in the blazing heat.
Now we find ourselves in the Arabian Coast.  With the heat - it felt more like the Arabian Desert. I felt like I was FRYING.
A two-story carousel, a stop for six cokes, a fall off a ledge, crying, pouting and finally to Aladdin's water ride. This was pretty trippy.  You got in a boat, and rode through the 'storyland'  - it had elephants, monkeys, ninjas, good guys, bad guys, treasure, and a genie that was the size of a house.  Very creepy.  And all the singing and talking was in Japanese. So I had NO IDEA what was being said. All the while making sure my son didn't fall out of the boat in the dark!

The piece-de-resistance was the 80 minute wait for a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride that my husband talked me into...
It'll be fun, all the kids can ride it too,  it looks cool, we need to ride something for us big kids, etc, etc.
It was a TERRIBLE ride - 6 of us crammed into this metal thing that was supposed to look like a small submarine, with windows on each side and the entire ride was in the dark.  The illusion was supposed to be 'underwater' with fish, people and aliens.  It scared both little kids.  My niece ended up having nightmares.
I was SO frustrated when we left there.  80 minutes of my life  - I WILL NEVER GET BACK. My mother-in-law, who never says anything bad - even piped up to say what a waste of 80 minutes.
Amen sister!

So by now, I've had it.  The kids are tired, we are all hot, sweaty, and disappointed. More than anyone - it is my husband that I had to convince it was time to leave!!! A few dirty looks and choice remarks later - he realized it was time we start making our way OUT!
Stops for ice cream, T-shirts, Cokes, a Mickey Mouse music baton, a Tinkerbell spritzing fan, and a Cowboy Mickey Mouse popcorn bucket later...we FINALLY made it to the gate! Then two hours on a bus to get us back to the first train station.
On the way we decided that my mother-in-law and I would take the kids on ahead IN A CAB to the house and let my husband stop by McDonald's to pick up a quick, late dinner, so that we could start getting the kids ready for bed.  Taking the cab was supposed to make it all quicker! As the cab pulled away - we realized my husband still had the house keys!  Brilliant.

Sitting on the porch, worn out, waiting for my husband to get home - my son and his cousin are chasing the oldest cousin and they run directly into each other. Fall, skid on the concrete and both begin to WAIL.  Blood, tears, and screams filled my neighborhood.
And so was the end to my perfect day...in amusement park hell!


Deeds
side note:   since this fateful day, my husband has decided that from here on out, through the rest of our son's life - when they go to the amusement parks - I get to go and stay at the hotel while spending my "theme park time" at the pool  and the spa. 
I have smartly agreed - it'll be best for all involved!

Rebel Without a Cause

Well, I have done it again...
Gotten myself kicked out of a perfectly respectable place!


It all started with my friend J (full names have been politely omitted for privacy sake!).  J mentioned she wanted to go to an Onsen (a traditional Japanese bathhouse) - just to see what it  was like.  


J, like me, is a newbie to the expat lifestyle here in Japan.  So we are both constantly looking for a new and exciting experience here.  We briefly talked it over, decided we were a little intimidated, emailed a few times about a good date and time, a phone call for good measure and then decided no more lolly-gagging, it was time.




So here we go, on a rainy afternoon to a seven story Onsen called the Manyo Club.  We enter, head to the 7th floor, as that is where the main staging takes place. 
We walked to the counter , which was VERY busy I might add (about 5 cashiers taking money), and you pay your entry fee. 2720 Yen.  That gets you your kimono robe (or two piece pajama style - if you choose).  You also get to choose your color and design...mostly exotic floral prints.
Since we had no clue what we were doing, they gave us a map, a key to a locker, a set of "rules", a card to get our kimono, told us of the different massages that you had to make reservations for, and pointed us in the right direction.


We walk to the gate, take off our shoes, put them in a given bag and head for the changing room.  
Well, that's where it all started to get a little twitchy.
We walk through the "curtain" that is the door to the ladies area and BAM - naked Japanese women EVERYWHERE!
Now don't get me wrong, I am not shy of the human body - in the past it has usually been me that has been naked, and I am not easily embarrassed - but after 4 months dealing with the culture shock of how completely shy and reserved the Japanese are as a whole...I was almost knocked off my rocker by so many naked people.  And they were looking at me like I was the naked one!


So, J and I start through the locker-esque type room, taking it all in.  There was the Lotion Stand that had various types of body, hand and face creams.  Then there was the Finishing Area - complete with individual sinks, sitting stools, blow dryers,  mirrors - basically a row of individual little vanities.  Then through the maze that was to become the lockers.
After a bit of looking - we had two top lockers.  Perfect.


We start to undress and we had a good laugh as we both tried to remember which way we were supposed to put our robes on.  Apparently you are supposed to put the right side in, closest to your chest, and the left side layers over the right.  She said she thought it meant that if you laid the folds wrong - you were gay! I laughed out loud. - I thought she was serious.  VERY gullible me! 
She came to decide that they bury you in a robe - and the folds go the other way!  I was laughing with tears at this point.
Meanwhile, Japanese women of all ages were scurrying around us - all in some form of undress.


Now - Robes properly on (we hope) and off we go to explore the 7 floors of the unknown.
First, we follow the masses of undressed women towards a sliding glass door.  Before they go through - they are exchanging their small white towel for an even SMALLER white towel. Through the doors there are baskets of small items individually wrapped...hair brushes, toothbrushes, and razors...that most women are picking up on their way in.
Turn the corner and wa-la~
the BATH-room!!!
I didn't think there could be more naked women in one place than there were in the locker room - but boy was I wrong.  There were more of the individual mirrored vanity type stalls  with stools and movable shower handles, equipped with shampoo, soap, and the usual shower items.  After passing that we came to the sauna area, and then the big communal bath.
The area itself was very well decorated and very serene (much more so had I been able to block out all the naked Japanese women getting in and out).
There was a glass wall and a half moon shaped bath and a door that lead to the outside area that had another bath and a bunch of very long benches with women sprawled all over them.


Now that we had seen that area (mind we still are fully robed - and looking REALLY out of place), we head off to the other floors and find:

• a cafeteria style eatery that served fish, seafood, rice and typical Japanese fare. Also serving beer!
• several 'relaxation rooms' that had lazy-boy type chairs with TVs attached and very dim lights.
• healing rooms - they use different colors of light to let you sit and absorb the 'vibe'
• and finally - the massage room

J and I had decided that we would opt for a 'regular' massage...little did we know what lay ahead!

The massage room ended up being just that - a massage ROOM...with lots of people getting a massage at the same time.  My masseuse was a man and J's a woman.

40 minutes - 4000 yen. ($40)

I love a good massage but he poked and elbowed me in places that I didn't even know could be poked or elbowed! He twisted my legs into positions that might make my husband blush...and then he after he got me all twisted - decided he was going to stick his elbow in my butt muscle!  At one point he even did the karate chop hands (you know what I'm talking about) - yes, and he karate chopped my HEAD!  

After 40 minutes of concentrating on just breathing and not screaming in pain...I found out that J had it worse than I did.  I believe J said, "I broke into a sweat just trying not to scream out."... J has the lovely UK accent, so I believe those were her words - but I was laughing so hard it was difficult to make it all out!

Here we are hobbling out of the "massage" room - and we decide it best we go get into a hot bath to ward off any of the impending pain we are surely to have after the beating we have just endured.

So we head back to the naked masses.  We are trying to do what all the other women are doing so we get back to our lockers, half-heartedly glance at each other and off with the robes!

We both have a towel so we wrap what parts we can in the towel and head for the sliding glass door.  As we get to the door a Japanese woman who apparently worked there told us, well, she pointed and spoke words we didn't understand, that we had to change our BIG towel for an even SMALLER towel - before we go into the bath area!

Just to give an idea of towel size here~

the original, BIG towel we had was no bigger than a kitchen dish towel.  The one we had to change for was about the size of a long wash rag!

So needless to say - you picked the one part you most wanted covered and just held the rag there!

We stand there naked, deciding if we are supposed to shower first, or after the bath.  THIS IS WHERE I THINK MY COVER GOT BLOWN!  After looking TOTALLY out of place -We decided to go to the bath first!

We hop in a long, 3 person lay-down bath tub that has bars separating each person. We start swapping details of the beating we have just taken in the massage room, while naked Japanese women are wandering around everywhere.

After about 10 minutes, a small Japanese woman comes to us, in full Kimono dress and quietly bends down and asks me if I have "ink".

Yes, I say.  She smiles and immediately puts her hands up and makes a gigantic X with her arms.  In very broken English - she says..."you have, get out."

J thinks that she is telling us to get out of the bath, that we have been hogging the bathtub!  I smile and nod to the young woman - and turn to tell J - I have to get out.  She still isn't comprehending what is happening!

J is ready to move on and deciding what floor we are going to next.

Meanwhile the young Japanese woman is hovering around the bend waiting to see what I do.  Then she disappears, so I explain to J what is happening and then I decide that I am going to go ahead and shower and I'll wait on her outside when I am done.  

From the time it takes me to explain things to J, get my 'washrag' and walk to the shower area - I turn to sit in my little stall, and now...there are TWO Japanese women in Kimonos standing behind me.  They are both smiling and the newest one - is trying to explain to me again what is going on.

Our conversation:

"You have ink?  Tattoo?"

Me:  "Yes."

Arms in a full X again followed by:  "How do you say...get out!?!"

Me:  "I am showering and then I will leave."

"No. No. You have rule broken. No tattoo in area. How do you say in English?...get out."

Me:  "No shower?"

She is smiling the entire time ~ "No.  Please go away."

Meanwhile the original ouster is trying not to be obvious as she is blatantly staring at my tattoo!  Now keep in mind -I am COMPLETELY naked and I have a very small 'towel' covering my hoo-ha, I have a brush, razor and toothbrush in the other hand...the entire time this is all happening! Oh, and both women are much shorter than me so they both stand about  boob-level!
Lovely visual, I know!

The issue with the "ink" - 
Here in Japan, tattoos have always been associated with the Yakuza...the Japanese mafia!
Who knew that there could be BLONDE, AMERICAN Yakuza!  

So I gave up trying to explain and went back to tell J that I was being kicked out...all the way out!

I gathered my teeny-tiny towel and headed back for the locker room.  So now not only am I hobbling a little from the 'massage' - but I am wet and not bathed after spending time in a bathtub full of other naked women.

Once outside the locker rooms and fully clothed, no one out there seemed to have any idea what had happened. So I sat patiently and waited for J, all the while watching in awe the amount of people that are rolling in and out of there.

In the beginning, J and I had decided we were going to eat at the Onsen once we were finished with it all, to just go through the motions and get the FULL experience - but seeing as I was no longer welcome because I was possibly associated with the mob...we decided to look elsewhere for nourishment.

In the long run we had a good laugh, stayed out late, ended up eating at a fabulous Italian Restaurant that overlooked the Bay, had two bottles of wine and chalked it all up to experience!

Unfortunately I am still looking for somewhere to get a massage that will let the Yakuza in!!!!

(sidenote: my friend JB who is in the States asked what the Onsen was.  After I told her she said..."Eww, sounds dirty!" - yes, she's a germ-o-phobe) and yes JB - I felt dirty after having the "bath" and not getting to shower.  So - yes, you win that arguement!

Love, from Japan