Rebel Without a Cause

Well, I have done it again...
Gotten myself kicked out of a perfectly respectable place!


It all started with my friend J (full names have been politely omitted for privacy sake!).  J mentioned she wanted to go to an Onsen (a traditional Japanese bathhouse) - just to see what it  was like.  


J, like me, is a newbie to the expat lifestyle here in Japan.  So we are both constantly looking for a new and exciting experience here.  We briefly talked it over, decided we were a little intimidated, emailed a few times about a good date and time, a phone call for good measure and then decided no more lolly-gagging, it was time.




So here we go, on a rainy afternoon to a seven story Onsen called the Manyo Club.  We enter, head to the 7th floor, as that is where the main staging takes place. 
We walked to the counter , which was VERY busy I might add (about 5 cashiers taking money), and you pay your entry fee. 2720 Yen.  That gets you your kimono robe (or two piece pajama style - if you choose).  You also get to choose your color and design...mostly exotic floral prints.
Since we had no clue what we were doing, they gave us a map, a key to a locker, a set of "rules", a card to get our kimono, told us of the different massages that you had to make reservations for, and pointed us in the right direction.


We walk to the gate, take off our shoes, put them in a given bag and head for the changing room.  
Well, that's where it all started to get a little twitchy.
We walk through the "curtain" that is the door to the ladies area and BAM - naked Japanese women EVERYWHERE!
Now don't get me wrong, I am not shy of the human body - in the past it has usually been me that has been naked, and I am not easily embarrassed - but after 4 months dealing with the culture shock of how completely shy and reserved the Japanese are as a whole...I was almost knocked off my rocker by so many naked people.  And they were looking at me like I was the naked one!


So, J and I start through the locker-esque type room, taking it all in.  There was the Lotion Stand that had various types of body, hand and face creams.  Then there was the Finishing Area - complete with individual sinks, sitting stools, blow dryers,  mirrors - basically a row of individual little vanities.  Then through the maze that was to become the lockers.
After a bit of looking - we had two top lockers.  Perfect.


We start to undress and we had a good laugh as we both tried to remember which way we were supposed to put our robes on.  Apparently you are supposed to put the right side in, closest to your chest, and the left side layers over the right.  She said she thought it meant that if you laid the folds wrong - you were gay! I laughed out loud. - I thought she was serious.  VERY gullible me! 
She came to decide that they bury you in a robe - and the folds go the other way!  I was laughing with tears at this point.
Meanwhile, Japanese women of all ages were scurrying around us - all in some form of undress.


Now - Robes properly on (we hope) and off we go to explore the 7 floors of the unknown.
First, we follow the masses of undressed women towards a sliding glass door.  Before they go through - they are exchanging their small white towel for an even SMALLER white towel. Through the doors there are baskets of small items individually wrapped...hair brushes, toothbrushes, and razors...that most women are picking up on their way in.
Turn the corner and wa-la~
the BATH-room!!!
I didn't think there could be more naked women in one place than there were in the locker room - but boy was I wrong.  There were more of the individual mirrored vanity type stalls  with stools and movable shower handles, equipped with shampoo, soap, and the usual shower items.  After passing that we came to the sauna area, and then the big communal bath.
The area itself was very well decorated and very serene (much more so had I been able to block out all the naked Japanese women getting in and out).
There was a glass wall and a half moon shaped bath and a door that lead to the outside area that had another bath and a bunch of very long benches with women sprawled all over them.


Now that we had seen that area (mind we still are fully robed - and looking REALLY out of place), we head off to the other floors and find:

• a cafeteria style eatery that served fish, seafood, rice and typical Japanese fare. Also serving beer!
• several 'relaxation rooms' that had lazy-boy type chairs with TVs attached and very dim lights.
• healing rooms - they use different colors of light to let you sit and absorb the 'vibe'
• and finally - the massage room

J and I had decided that we would opt for a 'regular' massage...little did we know what lay ahead!

The massage room ended up being just that - a massage ROOM...with lots of people getting a massage at the same time.  My masseuse was a man and J's a woman.

40 minutes - 4000 yen. ($40)

I love a good massage but he poked and elbowed me in places that I didn't even know could be poked or elbowed! He twisted my legs into positions that might make my husband blush...and then he after he got me all twisted - decided he was going to stick his elbow in my butt muscle!  At one point he even did the karate chop hands (you know what I'm talking about) - yes, and he karate chopped my HEAD!  

After 40 minutes of concentrating on just breathing and not screaming in pain...I found out that J had it worse than I did.  I believe J said, "I broke into a sweat just trying not to scream out."... J has the lovely UK accent, so I believe those were her words - but I was laughing so hard it was difficult to make it all out!

Here we are hobbling out of the "massage" room - and we decide it best we go get into a hot bath to ward off any of the impending pain we are surely to have after the beating we have just endured.

So we head back to the naked masses.  We are trying to do what all the other women are doing so we get back to our lockers, half-heartedly glance at each other and off with the robes!

We both have a towel so we wrap what parts we can in the towel and head for the sliding glass door.  As we get to the door a Japanese woman who apparently worked there told us, well, she pointed and spoke words we didn't understand, that we had to change our BIG towel for an even SMALLER towel - before we go into the bath area!

Just to give an idea of towel size here~

the original, BIG towel we had was no bigger than a kitchen dish towel.  The one we had to change for was about the size of a long wash rag!

So needless to say - you picked the one part you most wanted covered and just held the rag there!

We stand there naked, deciding if we are supposed to shower first, or after the bath.  THIS IS WHERE I THINK MY COVER GOT BLOWN!  After looking TOTALLY out of place -We decided to go to the bath first!

We hop in a long, 3 person lay-down bath tub that has bars separating each person. We start swapping details of the beating we have just taken in the massage room, while naked Japanese women are wandering around everywhere.

After about 10 minutes, a small Japanese woman comes to us, in full Kimono dress and quietly bends down and asks me if I have "ink".

Yes, I say.  She smiles and immediately puts her hands up and makes a gigantic X with her arms.  In very broken English - she says..."you have, get out."

J thinks that she is telling us to get out of the bath, that we have been hogging the bathtub!  I smile and nod to the young woman - and turn to tell J - I have to get out.  She still isn't comprehending what is happening!

J is ready to move on and deciding what floor we are going to next.

Meanwhile the young Japanese woman is hovering around the bend waiting to see what I do.  Then she disappears, so I explain to J what is happening and then I decide that I am going to go ahead and shower and I'll wait on her outside when I am done.  

From the time it takes me to explain things to J, get my 'washrag' and walk to the shower area - I turn to sit in my little stall, and now...there are TWO Japanese women in Kimonos standing behind me.  They are both smiling and the newest one - is trying to explain to me again what is going on.

Our conversation:

"You have ink?  Tattoo?"

Me:  "Yes."

Arms in a full X again followed by:  "How do you say...get out!?!"

Me:  "I am showering and then I will leave."

"No. No. You have rule broken. No tattoo in area. How do you say in English?...get out."

Me:  "No shower?"

She is smiling the entire time ~ "No.  Please go away."

Meanwhile the original ouster is trying not to be obvious as she is blatantly staring at my tattoo!  Now keep in mind -I am COMPLETELY naked and I have a very small 'towel' covering my hoo-ha, I have a brush, razor and toothbrush in the other hand...the entire time this is all happening! Oh, and both women are much shorter than me so they both stand about  boob-level!
Lovely visual, I know!

The issue with the "ink" - 
Here in Japan, tattoos have always been associated with the Yakuza...the Japanese mafia!
Who knew that there could be BLONDE, AMERICAN Yakuza!  

So I gave up trying to explain and went back to tell J that I was being kicked out...all the way out!

I gathered my teeny-tiny towel and headed back for the locker room.  So now not only am I hobbling a little from the 'massage' - but I am wet and not bathed after spending time in a bathtub full of other naked women.

Once outside the locker rooms and fully clothed, no one out there seemed to have any idea what had happened. So I sat patiently and waited for J, all the while watching in awe the amount of people that are rolling in and out of there.

In the beginning, J and I had decided we were going to eat at the Onsen once we were finished with it all, to just go through the motions and get the FULL experience - but seeing as I was no longer welcome because I was possibly associated with the mob...we decided to look elsewhere for nourishment.

In the long run we had a good laugh, stayed out late, ended up eating at a fabulous Italian Restaurant that overlooked the Bay, had two bottles of wine and chalked it all up to experience!

Unfortunately I am still looking for somewhere to get a massage that will let the Yakuza in!!!!

(sidenote: my friend JB who is in the States asked what the Onsen was.  After I told her she said..."Eww, sounds dirty!" - yes, she's a germ-o-phobe) and yes JB - I felt dirty after having the "bath" and not getting to shower.  So - yes, you win that arguement!

Love, from Japan

Strange Things...

I was sitting here a little bummed today, for no particular reason I have decided - and I got to thinking about money and how expensive things are here in Japan.  So I decided to make a list of all the things and prices that I could think of - - - just for comparison sake.
Don't get me wrong - EVERYTHING is expensive here but some things make you scratch your head and wonder...
(this is only a rough guide...everything is relative)

Let's start with the most important thing - alcohol!
Good liquor is cheap - Bad liquor is expensive...well, everyone's taste is different, but according to what's "good" in the States by price!
= Vodka:      Absolut $15.  Skyy $10. Smirnoff $20. (Finlandia, and all the other brands I have forgotten - are pretty cheap too)
= Whiskey:    Jack Daniels $26.  Crown Royal $17. (at home this size bottle of Crown would be $36)
=Wine:          Mondavi $9.  Clos Du Bois $13 (both small bottles)  Woodbridge $12 (for a mag).  There are all sorts of knock off wines here that we've never heard of, and you can get those at the "spontaneous buy section" right at the check-out isle where the gum and candy are in the States, for about $3.50 a bottle.
=Beer:  The most expensive thing here.  Usually you can only get Budweiser or something familiar at Costco and it's expensive.  Depending on the brand and the purchase place - a SIX PACK can run you $12 - $20.
A single beer out at a restaurant or bar is AT LEAST $7-8.  Irish/British beer (Guinness, etc.) $11-13.  And $7- $8 for a smaller 'draft beer' US brand (if they have it).
You can get Sake and such everywhere - but not much for that, so don't recall the prices.
Luckily for my wallet - I don't drink beer anymore.


Cost of food
Coke, soda, tea:  $4-$5 EACH in a restaurant.  No refills here baby.
There are some - but very few - places with drink "bars". You pay one price and go back as many times as you want for refills.  The glasses are about the size of a kids cup.
We did find a 'all you can drink' alcohol special at a restaurant here close to the house...$12 - all you can drink for 2 hours, while eating dinner!  For that price - I know some people that would put this place out of business!  Mind it is 'house' swill...still a good deal though!


Pizza Hut - $25-$38  for ONE pizza about the size of our medium pizzas in the States.
Real quick - just thought I'd throw some of the "types" of pizza you can get - and I quote:
Cheese & Cheese, Ebipuru Egg, Mayo-Q (BBQ with mayo), Seafood Mix, Dijon Mustard Sausage, Pote Mayo Gratin, Carbonara, Tuna Mild, and Super Korean Purukogi!  Sounds yummy huh? ugh.

There are a few places to get American food (i.e., cheeseburgers, pasta) but they are very expensive and sometimes you are lucky and they are true to taste.  I had lunch with a friend a few weeks ago and a cheeseburger, fries, coke was $22.  It was an OKAY burger - but not a $22 burger.
A milkshake (not that I was ever a milkshake drinker) will cost you $10-$12.  Amazing how you never really craved something until it was not readily available for $2 at your local drive-thru!!  I have yet to have the milkshake.


There is no tipping - ANYWHERE. You can tell there is no tipping because the service is not very good.  I completely understand too.  Hell, it was hard enough to get us waiters to come to your table when we were making good money - I can't imagine what it must be like to not get a tip...and still have to go be nice!  No fun.
Most restaurants - the chain restaurants - have a button on the table.  No one comes to your table until you push the button. They want you to be ready to order when they get there and you order everything at once.  No drinks, then appetizer, then meal ordering...its everything at once.
and I almost forgot ~ the piece-de-resistance...they always serve the "man of the house" first.  He always gets his food first!  My stepsons have argued that Landon gets his food first (he's 3) - but 9 times out of 10 - my husband ALWAYS gets his food first.  And you can't really sit and wait for the other dishes to come out...they NEVER all come at the same time.  It is not something they do here in Japan. When its ready - it comes out.  No being polite and waiting for everyone to get their food. If you don't want to eat cold food - you eat when it comes!

There are very few mani-pedi places either.  I was really shocked.  I was looking forward to weekly, well maybe monthly, foot rubs and pedicures - but alas, there are very few places (at least in our area) that do these services.
I did a little research and found a place in Tokyo that would do a pedicure for $126.  I don't know what all that included (better be something good and extra like the male massage parlors in Nashville???) - but that is way too far for me to travel (2 hours) and way too much to spend.  Even though - with all the walking my feet could REALLY use it! I am sure there is somewhere close to have this service done...but not like at home where there is a shop at every Kroger or Publix corner.  I miss that.


A Cab $7.10 - just to get in the cab. They don't charge for extra people like in NY. The doors open automatically. They get real upset if you try to touch the door to open or close it. I have been scolded several times!  Old habits die hard, ya know.

And something that has bothered me, and will bother me until I leave...the toilet paper.  I am weirdo about two things:   toilet paper and paper towels.
Every type toilet paper here is like gas station toilet paper.  Very thin, no two-ply, just gas station-cheap toilet paper.
The thickest thing I have found (and I have looked everywhere) - is something equivalent of a generic Kroger brand.  Not great, well - not even good - but you take what you can get.  I have decided the reason for this terrible deficiency in TP - absolutely MUST BE the water/sewer regulations.  There is no other answer. And I am VERY disappointed.

And by the way - a roll of Bounty paper towels is $5-6 dollars.  FOR ONE ROLL.
So I ration.
And the 1/4 sheet of  "ShamWow" that I jokingly got from my friend Jill before I left that States...is a life-saver!  
Who knew?!

DD

Living in Japan...THE BATHROOM

I debated whether to even start a blog about this trip, as I KNOW it will take a lot of time and effort. But after much chagrin and torment from others...I am going to take on the task. I actually do believe that anyone who reads this will find some humor in what is happening to me on a daily basis over here in Nippon.

I don't really know where to start since I have been here now for 3 months - but something caught me as funny today in our ritual of "going potty" with my 3 year-old son Landon, so I guess I will start there...The Japanese Bathroom.

The bathroom situations in Japan are VERY different - in a good way. As Americans we see the bathroom as a sacred place. Men - see it as a place to get clean and a place to read the paper, in private. Women - see it as a place for solitude, beauty, privacy and a place we would rather not share with men.

In Japan - the bathroom is not as sacred - but more focused upon the toilet, or washlet as most are called.

A few facts about a Japanese washlet:

They are heated.
Even in the public restrooms - they are heated. Until you have had this in your life on a regular basis - you have no idea what you are missing! At first it is a little strange - but you get used to it mighty quick. I found this out in the middle of a very cold March night, as my son had turned off the heat button on our toilet. You would have thought someone had given me an electric volt with a stun gun. (I know - insert a hearty laugh and visual here!)

It sounds crazy - but the heated seat is a glorious thing!

They have a CONTROL on the side of every toilet. 
I kid you not...a control panel. Almost liken to a TV remote or the remote to a Hover'Round.

The HOME RESTROOM control panel: usually consists of 3 or 4 buttons. The 'heat' control dial. The 'front' wash. The 'back' wash. The 'pressure' of the wash! I have no doubts that you can figure out what all these are. Mind you - we had to try them out and let me tell you...you MUST make sure that no one has tampered with the 'pressure' button, otherwise it makes for a rude awakening!

The PUBLIC RESTROOM control panel: This my friends has more buttons than should be allowable by law. It has all the buttons I stated above and a few more thrown in for good public bathroom etiquette. (the Japanese DO NOT, under any circumstances, want you to know that they are going to the bathroom!!)

The extra buttons include: something equivalent to the sound of a cough, a 'flushing sound', and I swear in one of the restrooms they even had a 'radio sound' button! Why these buttons exist is beyond me because the walls and doors go from ceiling to floor - in EVERY bathroom.

The Japanese do not want you to know they go to the bathroom!

Since I have only been here 3 months, I know I have not experienced all the bathrooms that they have to offer - but overall, the bathrooms are very clean, very private and put American public bathrooms to shame.

However, there is another - scarier type public bathroom out there...the trough. And let me tell you...IT IS SCARY AS HELL!

It is like the troughs in a regular men's bathroom, only laid flat on the floor, and it is for women.

This my friends is fodder for a whole other blog!