After living here for almost four months now...I still do not fully understand the Japanese culture, nor do I think I ever will. They are a fascinating people and sometimes frustrating, but all in all - very nice and polite IF you can actually get one of them to speak to you!
I have gathered some things, observations mostly, along with some tips from others Expats who have been here much longer than me. These have helped immensely in understanding why no one will help you if you fall down or have a problem in public. Why no one will look you in the eye. The shyness, drab colored clothing, no talking on the buses or trains, side glances at us Americans (ALWAYS), and the general calm, quiet demeanor of the Japanese people in general...
The Japanese all work very hard at "being average" or futsuu. No bright colored clothing, no standing out in a crowd or anything that will make them different. This philosophy comes from a society where 'the nail that sticks up - gets nailed down'. Only when they know someone better will the let a little of their individualism shine through. The most important thing for them is to not be the annoying nail that sticks up!
Eye Contact is a major issue here.The Japanese think it is impolite to maintain eye contact for long periods of time. Many avoid eye contact COMPLETELY when they speak to someone new. Also, you DO NOT make eye contact with strangers!
I was informed that eye contact between male strangers that lasts longer than five seconds, is like a staring contest between two fighters at the start of a match.
**I was told over the 4th of July holiday by a co-worker of my husband's - who just happens to be on the "buff" side - that he was in a bar recently and a Japanese guy (who was also on the "buff" side) kept watching him every time he went to the restroom. Well, typical American male, the co-worker finally just turned and walked up to the Japanese gent and asked if there was a problem...
the Japanese man stated that no, there was no problem...he was just wondering if he would like to ARM WRESTLE!!!!!! Yes, arm wrestle.
So they arm wrestled, in the bar, for the rest of the evening! My friend said it was about 40 times and finally the Japanese guy gave up - as he never won a match. Or is it a "bout"?
So point of the story - if there is eye contact being made...something is up!
The Japanese have a very big tolerance for drunken misbehavior. Now I don't mean drinking and driving - they have a very strict NO TOLERANCE policy here on that. I am talking about drunken behavior in general. A lot of Japanese people think that the more stressed you are from overwork, the more drunken misbehavior you are likely to get into. Hence the photo in one of my albums of the guy laying spread out, completely passed out, in front of a very nice store. I haven't seen much of that - but it does happen.
I have also heard stories of people going to work in the mornings having to travel through Roppongi (the night club, drinking area close to Yokohama) and many drunks just stumbling out of the bars going home. Not that I haven't done this in my day - but it seems to be a little more obvious and looked over here.
As I stated before - I have many friends, past and present, that would fit in well here!
Japan itself is a very safe place. Especially where we live. My husband told me before we moved that he was seeing little kids, 4,5,6,7 - walking to school by themselves. And I'm not talking two blocks away. I'm talking a pretty good distance. Taking the trains and buses - by themselves!
Now I am all for freedom and teaching your kid to be independent - but this seemed to be pushing it a little to me.
But low and behold, when we got here, and every morning since, I see little kids walking to school by themselves. Taking the trains and buses, by themselves. It is actually quite impressive - but no way in hell would I let my little one do that.
But this is all possible because there is hardly any crime here. Granted there is crime - but not like I would have thought.
We leave our bikes out at night, strollers, etc. I can walk to the store at any hour of the night and not worry. Not that it would matter - I am taller than most of the guys here!
For the longest time - the guys would never lock the door when we left the house. (I finally got my key and started locking it when we leave) But all in all it is VERY safe.
This, from what I understand, is because the Japanese people are not used to doing what they want to do when they are in public. Example : if someone dropped their wallet - an American (or Gaijin...meaning foreigner) would not hesitate to pick it up. Either stealing it or taking it to the station head. But the AVERAGE Japanese person would never touch it. Much less look at it twice. Because they are so self-conscious in the 'public eye'. That is why you can leave your purse, umbrella, back-pack, shopping bags, etc., and most likely it will be there when you realize you've left it and go back!
That is a great thing - especially if any of those contain your money!
I was also told that if you passed out on the sidewalk (I know, sounds strange, but we all know someone who's done it) - that this is when they might be apt to help you...getting your wallet, getting your address, hailing a cab and giving him money (out of YOUR wallet) and sending you on your way. (where was this in my 12th & Porter days??? - we'd have all been set!!!)
The not looking twice is a bad thing - when something bad happens:
My mom falling down in the park, couldn't get up - thought she had broken her leg, my son continuing to run across the street and no one would help mom get up! A Japanese man walked RIGHT BY HER, literally, and never even looked at her!
A friend was walking with her two children through a busy cross-walk and a boy ran into and OVER her little boy with his bike - in the middle of the street/crosswalk. Her son is screaming (to the point she thought he'd broken something) and the light is changing, she has her younger daughter in tow and not one of the 25 people walking across the street, in the same direction, helped her!
A neighbor informed me that she was in Homes (the equivalent to a Home Depot here) and her little boy wandered off. She finally went into a panic and started yelling whatever the words are for son and missing - and no one really even looked at her - much less helped her find her son.
At home there would have been an all points Amber Alert in the store...which is GOOD.
So basically you can do whatever you want - no one will look at you twice.
And while it is very safe - it can also be very scary. No one really understands you, no one is going to help you and on the off chance they do - - - you thank your lucky stars!
a little disclaimer here:
we have had a few Japanese ask if we needed help finding our train and we had one lovely lady walk us all the way to where we needed to go in one of the larger train stations. But all in all - they keep to themselves, I THINK out of kindness and for your privacy (and theirs).
I just wonder what happens if I ever need an ambulance or need to go to the hospital???
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